Shared Finances

02-Nov-2010 By SD

I find this a very tricky topic and one that I really don't know the correct answer to. So when is the right time to start to share your finances with your partner? And by that I mean a mutual bank account.

When you move in together? When you get married? When you have children? When you buy property together? Never? I must admit I've never had a shared bank account. Even though I've been in two significant relationships (one of which I am still in). Is this bad? Does this mean that I am not really giving myself to the relationship? Is this sending out a subtle message to my husband? There are a couple of reasons why.

Firstly I've worked very hard for what I have got and I suppose that after working so hard to finally gain that financial independence it feels hard to let go of it. Additionally I like to be able to spend my money how I like & not have to answer to anyone. I know this comes from seeing my mum ask my dad for money and how uncomfortable that made her and how much she hated it.

But a part of me knows that this won't continue forever, especially if we have kids and I don't work for some time. I know some of my friends have been through this exact situation and have struggled, making them want to get back to work so they can have that financial independence again.

So I'm interested to hear your thoughts on the subject because I don't hear that many people talking about it and I'm keen to hear your experiences and get some advice! How do you manage it? Is it 50/50 or based on what you earn?

Comment

Over time the notion of who has what, who buys what and who earns what has become irrelevant to myself and my partner (I fought joint finances for a long time but after 10 years together money doesn't seem to matter any more) I think this has happened because we have gone through periods of supporting each other financially when one or the other has been out of work or we have chasing other goals and not earning as much. As long as we can pay the bills, enjoy time with each other and our friends and stay out of debt we don't question it. I'm lucky as I never have to justify buying a pair of shoes or my gym membership - my partner knows I work hard and deserve these little treats. Call us naive but we don't have any desire to spend time on financial planning and worrying about bills - it all seems to work itself out in the end. (Saying that I have managed to save a little money each month for a rainy day that is kept separate to the joint account but I know if my partner needs it for anything I won't worry about giving it up - "you can't take it with you!" is our philosophy and I like it.

I agree with Lisa's comment and after a while it's all in one pot anyway. Good article and look forward to seeing some more

I think it has a lot to do with where you both are at in the relationship. As long things are shared equally there shouldn't be an issue. I share finances with my partner and it does put us miles ahead in terms of investing and our home. To me sharing finances is a natural extension of a relationship which after all is based on trust and respect.

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