Its Ok To Say You Want a Relationship

I was in a relationship for 10 years and then it finished. I didn’t want it to finish, my heart was broken and I was devastated. But that’s not what this article is about. I make that point to explain that I’ve been in both situations: in a long term relationship and not in one.

When I became single, I had so many people tell me that “It’s OK to be single” and to enjoy this time by yourself, and to take advantage of all of its benefits. I had so many people in a relationship at the time tell me how jealous they were of my single status (I even remember feeling like that when I was in my relationship).

During this time I felt a real pressure to embrace the single life and to never make mention of the fact that I missed being with someone, in a relationship. If I began to express thoughts like these, I felt that I was letting the sisterhood down as it was somehow implying that I needed a man in my life to make me complete, which was sign of weakness.

So I would never admit this, and spent so much time trying to convince myself that it was ok being by myself ,that it made me happy and I was fine. I didn’t need a man! I was a strong, independent woman!

But deep down this was not the case. Over time I stopped trying to make myself feel something that in my heart I didn’t. It is HARD being single. It is often lonely and people in relationships often forget the little things they take for granted every day. Just having someone you can embrace freely, share your thoughts with, someone to call when you land in a foreign country. I could go on. I know many people would say that you can get this from family & friends, and yes, they are right – but a relationship is different.

So feel no shame in saying that you would rather be in a relationship than by yourself, if that is how you feel. It’s not letting the sisterhood down and it’s not a sign of weakness – in fact it’s showing that you are honest enough to know what you want and like. And that shows more strength because being honest with yourself can sometimes be one of the hardest things to do.

Now, when someone is single and starts to have a bit of a whinge, instead of telling them about the joys of single life, I’m more than happy to listen to how tough it is to be single. I don’t make them feel bad if they express that they miss not having someone in their life. I know that I have benefited from living both sides of the story, as it now makes me appreciate my partner and relationship even more.