Dating Who Pays

In the age of modern women who, despite the gender pay gap, can now earn a decent salary, the question of who pays for a date is no longer so clear cut. It’s like opening doors for women, the rules aren’t so clear anymore – different women want different things and men are just confused about what to do. So you’re out on a first date with a guy and have dinner, the bill comes, what do you do? I think there are still women out there, and I have to confess that I’m one of them, who find it chivalrous if a man picks up the bill. However, and I add a big however, I personally would never expect this. In my experience some guys are happy to pay, some don’t think this is fair and others may not have the capacity to pick up a big tab. You can’t make any assumptions and I tend to think if you have two mature adults who respect the dating process you can work things out.

Remember, the whole dating process is about getting to know someone and working out if you’d like to see them again. The first thing is to pick a restaurant you’d both be happy to pay for – it’s not polite to suggest an expensive restaurant to someone you’re just on a date with, unless you’re prepared to pay your share.

Save the grand gestures for a time when the relationship is in full flight. A three dollar coffee was the cost of my first date with my partner. It was relaxed, informal and perfect for getting to know each other. (ok, he did pay for a dinner later!!) Secondly, always offer to pay your way. It’s polite and respectful and even if the guy does insist on paying, and many do, he’ll appreciate that you’ve offered. If the date went well, you can offer to pick the next one, and most guys will be grateful for the thought while high fiving themselves in the car (my partner added that). Saying all that paying for dinner is not the same as paying for sex or any other favours.

Picking up the tab for dinner means that you enjoyed someone’s company and chose to thank them by paying for the meal. This doesn’t entitle a guy to expect sex or require you to feel obliged to give it. Not on the first, second, third or any subsequent date.

All that aside, remember, a date is about getting to know someone and you want them to see the best of you, so whichever way you go have respect for yourself and the guy.